i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
