Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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