Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
