I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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