Pappa wants mamma naked
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
