I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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