a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
50% drunk capacity currently
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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