the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You're a disaster
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