put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
