you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
