Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
