she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
