NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
