already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
