Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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