he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
