haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
