Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
