sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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