FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
