I got chris browned last night
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
