He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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