there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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