I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
