I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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