I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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