if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
