that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
