on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
