I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
