I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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