Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
