all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
