After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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