I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
