Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
