It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
