Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
where are you?
Hypothermia
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
