Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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