apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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