I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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