Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
