Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
