I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Randomize
