I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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