I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Shitshow foam night was such a success
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
