i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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