I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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