Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
