why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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