There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
