So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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