just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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