we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
