nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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