Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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