I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
