I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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