So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
