Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
