Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
