you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
