There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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