Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
