Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
