I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Randomize
