I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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