I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
It was confusing and full of hummus
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize