Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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